I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize