Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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