I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
