on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
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