I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
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Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
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Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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