my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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