A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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