I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
