You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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