Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I need to calm my uterus...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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