dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
