Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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