my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
