I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
