There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
