I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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