it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
