And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
