If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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