can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
