FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
