Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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