My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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