I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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