I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
