How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
