The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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