i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You pole danced in your parka.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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