i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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