yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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