I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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