His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
