you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
