You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
