Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Two words: blizzard sex
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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