I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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