Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize