i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
