YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
