Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
