just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
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i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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