so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
