I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
