i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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