I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
