chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So much rum. So many feels.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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