sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
