got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
im holly from the hills drunk
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
