I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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