I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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