I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
