So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I deserve this hangover.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
