is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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