Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
