There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
