So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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