Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
