Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
