So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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