I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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