Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.