I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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