Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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