So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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