dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
